2015: Voyage to Nostalgiastan

First we gotta talk about all the sick pics taken in 2015. Look at these beauts.

Pic #3

Photocreds: Goran Tomasevic - Reuters

This is a picture of a protester to President of Burundi and all-round mean guy Pierre Nkurunziza. To hide his identity, he has covered his face in grass. I kind of admire the bravery and the symbolism, which, as we all know, is symbolic. He just feels very intense and impassioned about his cause.

Pic #2


Photocreds: Dogan News

This dead baby, Aylan Kurdi, got a bunch of people to care about something they previously did not care about: human beings. People tend to not pay attention to stories about thousands of people suffering somehow somewhere else in the world, but people do love themselves some dead baby.

Pic #1


Photocreds: Fabrice Coffrini - AFP/Getty Images

Sepp Blatter, a man who has never done any soccering in his life, was previously the president of FIFA, the people who do something involving Soccer and a great amount of fraud. As it turns out, the only reason someone decided to hold the most prestigious international sports competition in Qatar, a country famous for it's sand and imported slave labor, was because the people of Qatar were willing to throw in a little bit of a whole lot of money. Anyways as usual America found out and saved the day and the silly Swiss man was showered in cash and now the rest of the world has to stop calling it football.

Ok now that we are through with those pics time to answer some questions.

Q: What was the best song of 2015?

A: I Don't Know



I have no idea what the best song from 2015 was. For me, 2015 was a good year in music but not like to great and I wasn't too hyped about the new Kendrick Lamar album or the Weeknd's incessant pandering to pop culture or Drake's two not real albums but Rihanna did make BBHMM which was pretty rad but I can't decide so I'm leaving the box blank.

Q: What was the best movie of 2015?

A: The Martian

 

The Martian is a movie about a science fiction book (lame) with Matt Damon (Matt Damon) and I didn't think it would be good but I saw the trailers and I was like how can he grow a potato in space if there is no sound in space? I watched it and as it turns out it was a perfect 5/7 movie.

Q: What was the best news story of 2015?

A: Same Sex Marriage is Legal



There were a bunch of news stories this year about mass shootings or terrorist attacks or disasters both natural and manmade, however most of these stories generally have a lot more news clout than the less fantastical and sensational good news stories of 2015. It's true, people bought a lot of papers on September 12, 2001 just to keep as memorabilia, and people have a tendency to gravitate towards stories that anger or scare them despite the fact that it may be in their best interests to avoid them. So, having stood on my soapbox, the best and most monumental news story this year was probably the announcement of the legalization of gay marriage.

Q: Who was the most important person of 2015?

A: Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Talk about coming out of nowhere, the leader of ISIS really made a power grab and just took over areas of Syria and Iraq late in 2013. ISIS aren't particularly good at anything, and almost nobody likes them, which is kind of cool and edgy in a sense. ISIS has successfully created a time warp to the seventh century and they beat North Korea on the list of most realistic hell on earth, and that is probably more important that a transsexual racist or some other celeb.

Q: What was the most important sports/entertainment story of 2015?

A: FIFA is crazy.

 

Do I know this is the same picture twice? Yes.

So the ridiculous thing about this story is that everybody has known for a long, long time now that there is a strange spoils system that allows certain members of the International Federation of Association Football (IFAF) ((FIFA)) (((It's called soccer))) ((((IFAS)))) to logroll some of the most watched and followed sporting events in the world, for instance for some reason everybody thought it would be a good idea to hold the 2022 World Cup in Qatar, a country with no stadiums in the middle of the desert in the summer, not that the choices of Russia or South Africa or Brazil were all that informed either, but I digress. As of previously there was no proof of all of this, but this summer in Switzerland, the FBI decided America was going to save the day once again by laying the law down on Sepp Blatter (real name) and his cronies. Some weird legal stuff is going on right now and the legal delineations of soccer are almost as boring as the sport so it's sort of a bore to follow but the moral of the story is America #1 the game is called Soccer only real men play Football.


HOW WAS MY VACATION?

You mean me?
Well, for starters the most memorable thing that happened to me was for Christmas I got a pony it is named Toby and he likes me but not my sister Carrie Anne who Toby occasionally kicks in the face because she is a girl. Toby eats carrots and is six hands tall and likes apples too. Sometimes Toby is sad and mama says it's because he has no pony friends to play with but it's okay because we are all family now.

My 2016 resolution has already been broken I said I would try and brush my teeth every single day of the year but I want gingivitis so people will think I had a rough childhood and how can I do both?

I am looking forward to the election in 2016 except not really because I like Obama and besides if he is gone who am I supposed to blame when there is no prize at the bottom of my cracker jacks? Hillary Clinton?